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Last week after watching an episode of Barefoot Contessa I felt inspired and chef-ly, as per usual. The only right thing to do at that point, I decided, was to make Rob and myself a delicious dinner using the Parmesan Chicken recipe I had just watched Ina Garten so eloquently prepare.

I went into the kitchen, gathered all of the required ingredients (whilst utterly shocked that I even had all of the ingredients on hand because the recipe called for something other than my pantry regulars of rice cakes, peanut butter or stale Cheerios), and began to pretend that I was as skilled and graceful in the kitchen as Ina herself.

(Only with better hair. And wearing an actual fitted shirt.)

Anyway.

This is where my disaster began. 

First, the chicken was to be pounded into cutlets, ie: very, very thin. What I neglected to realize, and what should have been written right into the recipe itself (hey Ina? where were you on this one?), is that this step IS ABSOLUTELY CRUCIAL TO THE OUTCOME OF THIS RECIPE. 

However, Ina didn’t pity those poor, naive kitchen novices like me when she wrote that recipe, so she left out the “cutlets critical” part. 

Obviously we can all see where this is going, can’t we?

I left my chicken breasts as they were, without cutting them, and continued on with the recipe. 

After breading the chicken, putting it into the pan, and nervously biting my lip and hoping that the chicken would BEAR WITH ME PLEASE I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING, OKAY?, smoke began wafting up from the pan, an aroma of BURN started to stink throughout the house, and the chicken appeared to be horribly charred on the outside but still pink and gummy on the inside. 

Aye, Ina would be so disappointed.

When Rob got home just a few minutes later, he walked into the kitchen with a horrible, disgusted look on his face.

Which, actually, I didn’t even see because my back was purposefully turned to him, in shame of myself and numerous wasted hours in front of the Food Network.

But the horrible, disgusted look on his face? TOTALLY THERE.

In a fit of defeat and pure annoyance, and without any other words exchanged, I hastily threw the chicken in the wastebasket, dropped the dirty pans in the sink, turned around to Rob and ordered, Get in the car. We’re going to Applebees.

For some reason I feel as though this won’t be the last time that this kind of episode will ever happen. 

That is, unless I wind up with a kitchen as large and as beautiful as Ina’s because then, I’m positive, it doesn’t even matter if you actually follow the recipe or not. 

Chickens know how to behave in big, beautiful kitchens. In the Hamptons, of course.

Reason #736 why I am going on a diet AS SOON as the plane hits the Indiana ground…

Fried fish, french fries, 2 for 1 Rum Runners, and beer.

Oy.

When I started kettlebell training last March, my instructor made it very clear how important nutrition was to this type of workout (or, really, to any kind of workout). She gave us advice as to what to eat, and what not to eat, but the point that she emphasized the most was WATER. 

Apparently, like 99.99% of Americans don’t drink enough water. I know I am definitely one of them, as sometimes the only water I drink in an entire day is the bottle that I drink while exercising and the few drops I guzzle down while brushing my teeth. 

Of course, there’s coffee too…but with Tiramisu-flavored cream in it (SO GOOD) I’m thinking that doesn’t really count. 

So while she was drilling this point deep into our skulls, I decided that I would try it. After I googled what exactly all of the benefits were from drinking so much water, I saw it might be worth it and began filling up my water bottle at least eight times a day.

And honestly, it was a huge inconvenience. 

It seemed like a chore, trying to drink so much. And of course, there’s the bathroom issue; I was going about once an hour. 

However, I really did see great benefits. My workouts were better, my skin was fresh and clear, I felt lighter when I thought I would feel bloated…on and on. I even read that you will actually lose pounds just by drinking the daily recommended amount of water, but since I don’t weigh myself I couldn’t tell you if that actually happened or not. 

My point in all of this is to say that I need to do this again. After those two weeks I started falling off the bandwagon and drinking Coke Zeros in place of water (and believe me, I am a CHAMP and drinking those). So now I am going to get back with the program and drink only water. 

Well, maybe one Coke Zero a day. 

But that would be an improvement in and of itself, and I am all about having a little give-and-take in my life.

I’ll just go ahead and let it be known that I am not a very good cook. I so wish I was. And I especially wish that all of those hours spent watching the Food Network instantly transformed me into an extraordinary chef. 

They didn’t. 

So when it comes time to cook for anyone but Rob and myself (because who really cares about what we eat, right?) I get a little nervous, to say the least. Actually I become a downright paranoid lunatic. 

This 4th of July I offered to bring something to my Aunt and Uncle’s lake cottage where we were spending most of the day. So the night before, I was crazily flipping through my cooking books trying to find something fun that the kids would like, yet something light since it is summer, yet maybe something sweet since I am a closet candy-addict. 

So I found the perfect thing: and I don’t know what they were called. Sorry, I forget. 

The end. 

Oh, I am kidding. Well, actually, I really do forget what they were called, but we’ll just go ahead and call them Amazing Little Pieces of Heaven. I’m going to go ahead and share this for my first ever Works For Me Wednesday!

Here is what you need:

Pretzels, a bag of Hershey Kisses, and a bag of MnM’s (I used peanut butter ones, because, well, they just outshine any other kind of MnM and what goes better with chocolate than PB?)

Here is what you do:

1) Grab a cookie sheet and cover it with parchment paper

2) Lay out a single layer of pretzels

3) Unwrap the Hershey Kisses. (Note: Do not get annoyed by this. Do not write me hate mail to me because of this. I know, this is a major pain and is the worst part of this whole thing. And if I had kids, this is probably where I would take advantage of their help. But I don’t have kids, so, too bad for me.)

4) Place a Hershey Kiss in the middle of each pretzel.

5) Carefully put these into a 350 degree oven for only about 1-2 minutes until the chocolate is beginning to get melty. (Note: Seriously, that is all the time they need to be in the oven. Because I have a feeling that otherwise, if you leave them in for any longer, you may start burning the Kisses and your kitchen will smell like something horrible. I just have a feeling that may happen. And then I have a feeling that you would probably have to start all over and unwrap another whole bag of Hershey Kisses, at which point you may decide that you’d rather hang yourself from the ceiling by your toenails than subject your fingers to more unwrapping of the Kisses. I just have a feeling about that.)

6) While the chocolate is still warm and melty, quickly squish a PB MnM into the center of each Hershey Kiss. 

7) Put them into the fridge to chill and harden.

Voila. No, you will probably never find this on the Food Network. And I am sure the Barefoot Contessa would scoff at this quote unquote recipe. But believe me, you cannot go wrong with this and they are so delicious. 

And if you happen to have leftover PB MnM’s that can be put into your candy dish, even better.

I will be the first to admit that as of late I have let myself slack a bit in the nutrition and fitness categories. I could blame it on many things; the nice weather keeping me out of the gym, the awesome ice cream place two seconds away from our house, wanting to put on a couple pounds to fill out my clothes better, etc.

(Yeah, KIDDING about that last one, unfortunately. But wouldn’t that be so wonderful to be one of those people? What I wouldn’t give…)

Anyway, I will be receiving my new swimsuits at my front door any day now, and don’t want to give myself too horrible of a complex when I try them on. Plus, we’re going to Florida in a month, so seven days of traipsing around in only a couple square inches of spandex fabric produces particular motivation for this girl.

To say the least, I’m getting back on the horse. I have been off for too long and old Nelly is way, long gone.

The problem is that when it comes right down to it, I am an all-or-nothing kind of person.  Not those major extremists that go on Oprah because they say if they can’t keep their house perfectly clean 100% of the time then they are going to give up completely and never do so much as flush a toilet, wash a dish, or empty out the cat’s litter box but instead allow the cat poop to pile up two feet high in the Powder Room. (Wow, did anyone see this episode a couple of years ago? I actually puked in my mouth when I saw it.)

I’m more of a moderate all-or-nothing. Which is a total oxymoron, but I think you get what I am saying, don’t you? I’m either all in, working out every single day, or I’m totally out of the grind and end up avoiding the gym for two months straight. It’s ridiculous and makes no sense at all.

However, today, as I have mentioned before, I start Kettlebell training again. Along with that I am watching my diet better, and am using the Daily Plate as a guide.

It calculates the number of calories you should eat in a day, and adjusts that number if you workout that day (allowing you to eat more). It’s a real eye-opener to see how all the calories add up, which makes me dislike math even more than I already do. 

I don’t really have a set goal in my mind for all of this, other than to generally feel better about life and quit feeling guilty about that extra spoonful of butter pecan ice cream. 

Because it is my downfall. AND DOWNFALL, BE GONE. 

What? You’re tired of seeing my post about the hub’s birthday, aren’t you? Did you think I forgot about you? So sorry about that – I am back now.
This past weekend my mom, my sister, and I went to NYC for a stationary show. We thought it sounded like a good idea to go to a show that exhibited nothing but paper products, you know, considering that “Specialty Paper” is one of the three things listed on our Orange Tree business cards that we claim to sell in our store. And now here I am, back from the trip, to confess my new hatred of any and all paper products on the face of the Earth. 
Oh, I kid. It wasn’t that bad. “Hate” is such a horrible, strong word. Maybe I was just excruciatingly overwhelmed and utterly surprised at how many variations of the same Thank You card were out there in the world? Because really, you wouldn’t even believe it. 
Besides our eyeballs bugging out of our heads after only about two hours, we had a really great time together and bought some really cool invitations, cards, and note pads. I am anxious for when all of these things get shipped to us, so we can then remember what the heck we bought and hope to high heaven that we didn’t buy something else that was too similar. 
Because that is very possible, you know. I saw “similar things” for two days straight. 
Outside of going to the show, we pretty much ate, ate, and ate some more. Which, let’s face it, is really one of my favorite hobbies. We also shopped a teeny bit and got our nails done, but really, I’d rather talk about the food. 
So everyone, if you are ever in New York City, please, please, please, go to Dos Caminos. It will make you a happier person and make your life in general much more complete. 
It’s a Mexican restaurant, but not your typical Hacienda – it’s very funky, hip, and classy. They are known for their guacamole and margaritas, so really, we had no choice but to indulge ourselves. 
Their house margarita was KILL-ER. Best I have ever ever had. Makes my toes curl just thinking about it. And they had a menu that resembled a wine list, but was a Tequila list. Over 100 different kinds were listed, and were described as, “nutty, smokey, with a hint of vanilla”. WE’RE TALKING ABOUT TEQUILA, DON’T FORGET. Call me naive, but I had no idea there were that many tequilas in the world without the name Cuervo. 
Jose, you are still my main man, don’t you worry.
Now, the guac. Look at this, please, and make sure you don’t get drool all over your keyboard:

THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN ABOUT! It is made fresh to order, and will put any other guac to shame. And now, now my mouth is watering. 

You know, I could really go for some of that guac right about now. 

I bet you could too. And you should. Indulge yourself in some of life’s little pleasures. 
And I hope you all are into sending Christmas cards, because they will be coming out of our little Orange Tree ears next fall. 

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