Guys, I am getting big, round, and pointy all at the same time, which would normally sound like an oxymoron, but dude, pregnancy is a wild and crazy beast that has no oxymoronic bounds. Ava must be growing a lot, because look at how much I pushed out from week 29 to week 32.

Knowing that I still have eight weeks to go makes me really nervous, as I’m afraid my belly is going to stick straight out so far that people will have to take cover when in close proximity to me so my gut doesn’t poke out any eyeballs. As a service to the general public I should probably buy myself some yellow CAUTION tape to wrap around my midsection.

I also fear that in these last few weeks when Rob wants to hug me we’ll have to assume the awkward eighth-grade dance position; facing each other with arms straight out like a mummy with hands resting on the other person’s shoulders because there’ll be no other way we could possibly get any closer. Or maybe we’ll have to just stick with the ol’ side hug. How romantic.

I thought it’d be interesting to see my progress from early on in the pregnancy to now, so I worked some voodoo and created this just for your viewing entertainment:

I’ll call it, “Weeks 11 and 32.”

I clearly have a serious lack of shame.